When IKEA recently announced that they’d be building a new store in Oak Creek, Milwaukeeans of all creeds lent their voices to the chorus of praises unto the capitalism gods, but none more so than Millennials. By my unscientific estimation, 80-90% of all dorm rooms and first-time-apartments in Wisconsin are furnished exclusively with the cheap, frustrating Swedish home goods.

The Swedish meatballs do not disappoint, either.

The Swedish meatballs do not disappoint, either.

Personally, I didn’t know what all the fuss was about. My friends stared aghast when I told them that I had never been to an IKEA. My wife has put up with a lot from me, and she’s not one to willingly cross the border into FIBtopia, but being married to a man who’s never been to IKEA seemed too much of a burden to bare. (Editor’s Note: It was. I had to end his cluelessness.)

Katie only came for the fresh Lingonbery juice.

Katie only came for the fresh Lingonbery juice.

We promptly set a date to pilgrimage down to the currently-open IKEA in Schaumburg, IL, a drive I suspect many Milwaukeeans have grudgingly made themselves. That all ends in 2018, but for now I invite you on a video journey with me for my first trip through the bowels of the Swedish beast.

I survived. Barely.

I survived. Barely.