In the City of Festivals, there is no summer without the obviously-named Summerfest. The World’s Largest Music Festival draws nearly 1 million visitors over the course of its 11 days to the 9,000-some shows they put on each year. But, similar to the Great Wisconsin State Fair, Summerfest is not just music, food, and people watching…it’s all those things done over the top. That’s why I present to you my 2016 Summerfest Superlatives from a recent visit.

Most Impractical Musical Instruments

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Don Smiley (the actual name of the guy who runs a festival based around a smiley face) took the idea of signing “giants of the music industry” too literal. Badabump!

Best View While Pretending to Listen to the Opening Act

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The BMO Harris Pavilion was recently redone, and they took the opportunity to punch a hole right through the back of the stage so you can stare out at Lake Michigan instead of the crowd at this Billy Idol concert.

Most Obvious Joke

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We keep it classy at The Squeaky Curd.

Tastiest Artery Liner

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If you don’t get Saz’s Sour Cream and Chive Fries every single time you go then you’re doing Summerfest wrong.

Biggest Waste of Money

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Unless you’re 13 and you’re parents totally don’t get your musical angst, man.

Most Innovative Musical Act

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Their sound was less “rock supergroup” and more “pre-teens taking down a battle-bots arena”.

Most Useful Sign

Summerfest Superlatives (8) sdGod bless America.

Sexiest Crop-Top

Summerfest Superlatives (9) sdOur Twitter live-feed crop-top count ended at 182.

Biggest Personal Risk Takers

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Whoa, easy cowboys.

Most Mysterious Light

Summerfest Superlatives (13) sdBut what does it mean?

Outfit Seen That Joe is Least Likely to Let His Future Daughter Wear Out of the House 

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We weren’t going to creepily take a picture, so instead Joe and Katie both drew the above artist’s sketch to illustrate.

Happiest Person at Summerfest

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Summerfest 2016 runs through Sunday July 10. Don’t forget your swim-diapers.

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