Greetings and Salutations My Friends,
An orangish, yellow hue breaks through the light snowfall and illuminates the dark Bay View street corner ahead of you. You hear sounds of laughter and clanking mugs, and find yourself walking into The Newport, about to partake in one of, if not THE best, social club in all of Milwaukee: Welcome to Thursdays.
Newport is everyone’s favorite little slice of Milwaukee: it doesn’t flaunt anything flashy and it knows that it’s there to provide the hard working patrons of Milwaukee with a place to relax after a tough day’s work. Boasting a solid tap selection and your standard assortment of cocktails, you are sure to find something that tickles your fancy. This week we again go back to the core strengths of Welcome to Thursdays: a bar, a drink, and a great conversation.
Speaking of great conversations, this brings me to the classic tale Goldilocks and the Three Bears. Now we all know how the story goes: a mother bear, father bear, and baby bear go out for the day and whilst they are away Goldilocks finds her way into their home. She eats their porridge, sits in their chairs, and ultimately falls asleep in the bears’ bed. The bears show up, notice that something is amiss and, in the end, find her sleeping. She gets startled and escapes into the woods never to be seen again. Well my friends, after paragliding through the West Indies I came across an old hermit who invited me into his cave for Hungarian tea and a story. It is here that I learned the true tale of Goldilocks and the Three Bears.
You see, what really happened is a much happier tale and one that I can get on board with. Goldilocks was actually a travelling musician and while in between shows, she decided to go for a hike in the woods looking for inspiration for her new album. She had a guitar and a fresh 12 pack of delicious Hamm’s. She found a good spot to sit and start getting inspired, but she realized she had forgotten her bottle opener and couldn’t get the cap off the bottle.
Defeated and distraught, she was ready to give up when she noticed a house off in the distance. She took off to the house to see if they had an opener. When she arrived she noticed no one was home, but there were three tallboys of Hamm’s on the kitchen table. She snuck in and went on to drink all three cans. Feeling “inspired” she ventured into the living room only to find a guitar Amp. She plugged in, flipped the volume to max and started to jam out.
Suddenly she noticed three very angry bears enter the room, they snarled and let out loud roar, “SOMEBODY DRANK OUR HAMM’S!”. Goldilocks quickly grabbed her twelve pack and offered it up to the bears. One of the bears snagged a bottle opener and popped open 4 fresh bottles. They gave a loud cheer, toasted, and one of the bears grabbed a guitar – the greatest Bear/Girl jam session to ever happen ensued.
The End.
Cheers my friends!
Your Co-Founder and Friend,
Jeremy Blandin
*Keeping your glass filled and spirits high one Thursday at a time, this is Welcome to Thursdays: a local social group determined to make your Thursdays more fun. Each week, The Squeaky Curd features a Milwaukee County bar that we gather at on Thursday evening. Join us Thursday, January 24, 2019 at The Newport, 939 E Conway St (Bay View), at 7:30pm.*